Llorar

Llorar es algo que hago diariamente, y por diferentes razones.
La mayoría de las veces es por miedo, le tengo miedo al futuro; me gustaría algún día poder ( no sé de qué manera ) ver el futuro por 5 minutos, hablar conmigo mísma y preguntarme cómo estoy, qué siento y por qué, después regresar a éste momento en el que estoy para convencerme de que todo estará bien y prepararme mental y emocionalmente. Sólo necesito ése " click " .

Pero  también por estar feliz, lloro porque me quiero completamente y me siento completa, lloro por ver a otros llorar, por ver a otros ser felices; de cierta manera todo aquél que llora me conmueve. Y cuando lloro, me siento tan bien.

El que tiene la bendición de llorar, tiene la bendición de ser libre.

Visión con la mente y el corazón.

Después de mucho pensarle y buscar gente, Kat y yo decidimos lanzar mis 2 demos a la suerte. ( o a las manos de Dios? ) para encontrar un productor interesado en trabajar conmigo, o que simplemente vea algo en mí.

Y esque..de eso se trata no? A veces no entiendo lo que hace Dios, pero sé que es por algo..
" Pues es suerte Katy" , " Se necesita conecciones, talento y suerte" SUERTE, SUERTE, SUERTE, veo SUERTE, por todos lados, veo suerte en personas que siento que no aprecian ni el 1% de suerte que les llegó a la vida, y actúan sólamente, y totalmente estúpidamente.

Tengo la mente y el corazón en lo que quiero, en lo que siento que es lo único que tengo, lo único que sé hacer, y lo único que me sale bien. Sólo necesito un poco de esa suerte que ellos tienen, algo para mí. Alguien interesado en trabajar conmigo, un productor. Tengo una libreta donde anoto y hago dibujos esperando que esos dibujos y palabras escritas se conviertan en algo material, realidad pues.

Sé que es mucho pedir, pero es algo que en verdad quiero,y visualizo día a día, pero cuando uno se encuentra como yo ahorita, sentada en una cama, sola, con un cachorro a un lado, se pregunta muchos ¿por qué?, ¿qué he hecho? ¿cuándo? ¿cómo? ¿quién? y por último el "espero...", y el "ojalá..."

y por otro lado, una parte muy muy enterrada dentro de mí, está volviendo a salir a flote en mi alma, de cierta manera, siento que es la única fuente por la que algún día me vuelva a conectar a tí, y regresar a lo que teníamos antes, sí, te he extrañado muchísimo éstos días, y éstos días he pensado muchísimo, y me he dado cuenta que al venir aquí, no hice nada mas que lanzarme a la nada, esperando a caer al vacío o escalar alto.

Esperemos,

Mañana es el 2ndo día de grabar Halo..
los últimos días he estado bien bipolar, a veces siento que lo puedo todo, otras muchas dudo de mí, y de la fuerza de mi voz y las notas que puedo alcanzar
tal vez es como dice mamá.. todo es de práctica, y con esfuerzo todo llega..
pero no sé por qué anoche me sentía TAN segura, y ahora que estoy practicando (malamente a esta hora) con música, simplemente nadamás no. y lloro por dentro de coraje e impotencia
agh, solo espero que TODO salga bien mañana, me da mucha pena darle un mal rato a Rob, aunque él dice " A masterpiece is not done in 2 days.. Beyoncé probably took weeks to get this song done"
and if he says so.. I must trust him, and my potential to sing as well.

Culo en la mano

Quiero que todo salga bieeeeeeeeeen :'(
quiero que alguien se interese en mí, y quiero estar frente a un escenario
y sacar todas las emociones que llevo dentro
pero muchísimas preguntas vienen a mi mente
" Y si...?"
"Pero si..?"
" Y si luego..?"
Ahh...... ahorita he estado grabando Halo, y es demasiado challenging vocalmente..
ayer grabamos un warm up pero sinceramente no me gusta como sueno en los coros..
espero que todo salga bien, tiene qué. PORFAVOR DIOS :(
lloro por dentro de nervios.

Lately..

It's been almost 2 months or so since the last time I wrote here.. and so many things have happened. I'm not so sad as I used to be.. first of all.. because I got this little fella that transmits love, love, energy and even more love. I named him Cosmo, 'cause somehow, I do believe this little guy was sent to us from the cosmos. I don't know what he does, but he always puts a smile on my mom's face and mine. He's so intelligent, lovely, and energetic. He's almost 4 months old now.

And as I'm writing this, he's sleeping in his little blue pillow with his toy by his side. ♥
Another thing that has kept me so damn happy is that I'm finally doing what I love: SING. I go to singing lessons twice a week with the lovely Kat Carlsson, a.k.a. Coda Ray (www.myspace.com/codaray) she's the best, and I have learned so much with her, and thanks to her, I've gain confidence in myself, singing and performance projection. To not make this long, what I've done the last couple of weeks is this:

I'm a backup singer of an upcoming gospel/christian artist called Jenise Lavonne (www.myspace.com/jeniselavonne) and everytime we get together for rehearsal, we all have a good time.I applied for Urban Outfitters, and I'll get a call by mid September to work on a store that's opening in October at E.86th Street. ( Holaaaaaaaa 40% off on UO items! )I'll be recording my demo soon.. hopelly by the end of this month.. or the next one.. I'm planning to record Warwick Avenue by Duffy, and I applied for Stiletto Entertainment, and now I'm waiting for a response to know if I can audition for this upcoming auditions in Chelsea Studios.. the waiting is nerve wracking :/ AND  I still love this guy, even if he looks kinda gay with those highlights on his hair.. sigh..I just can't help it, ha.

New Yorkers are nice.

Since my classes at Kaplan were about 2 weeks after I got here, I've been trying to lose time walking around downtown. ( I've been here before many times, so I know some places in ny and know how to travel by subway as well ).
 Yesterday, I wanted to pick up my cellphone that my mom left with a guy for it to be unlock, but it wasn't ready yet until Saturday, so I decided to go to Union Square by myself to buy stuff. I always have trouble finding a specific store that I want to go 'cause I have a hard time understanding how avenues, streets and venues run, or how long they are, I mean, I do know where to get off in the subway, but once I get out, I just try to follow my instict, which is stupid, 'cause that's mainly how people get lost. The best thing you can do is ask, no matter if you look stupid or a 100% tourist, 'cause one of the things I've learned by doing that, is that people really are nice!, and the fun thing is that they're not all american, you may find indiands, arabians, mexicans, dominicans, you name it, but once they finish explaining you how to get to where you want to go, they have a smile in their face, as if they were pleased to help somebody, and their smile also speaks for their love for New York City and its people, whether they're residents or tourists. I always want to take a picture of the people who help me out, but I am shy to ask them if I can take a picture of them, and afraid that they actually might get mad at me. ( hey, you never know, and no, I'm not talking about african-americans, they're as cool and nice as any other person from any part of the world can be c: )

So once I got to Union Square, I entered this store called DSW, for me it's like Macy's but cheaper.. and it has this huge windows leading to the park that's in front, and I swear I can just sit in the l seats they offer there starring at the beauty that the huge mass of people offer. It's just amazing, and it reminds me of a picture with a quote a friend tagged me on facebook before I moved here.

" Something's always happening here. If you're bored in New York, it's your own fault" 

Plus, when you stare from the wall-like windows, it's as if a huge IMAX 3-D screen is placed 1 inch from your face.
So then, I stepped out of the store, found nothing to buy at the Forever 21 store that's aside DSW 'cause since it was 7 pm, the store was fully invated by crazy girls, and therefore, I decided to go visit Barnes and Noble that's just across the street, and bought " Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert, the whole book it's based on a true story by the author herself, and it's a true source of inspiration for LIFE AND BALANCE. I think that's why is now a major motion picture :-) and I'm glad it is, I always enjoy watching movies based on books, but I don't want to see the movie 'til I first finish reading the book.

Oh, hey Manhattan,

As I'm writing this, it's cloudy outside in the streets of Dyckman Street and reggaeton music is playing non-stop outside. I've just change of room to pleseantly hear Regina Spektor on my laptop. It's all I have by now.

It's been only a week and a half since I left Monterrey to never come back( just in vacations ); as a mexican being a U.S. Resident, one of the things you can get advantage of is: GO TO COLLEGE; and I do. I do want to go to college, but I think I used my desire to go to college as a reason to escape the bloody hell of overprotection, criticism, stress and non-confidence I was leaving at my home in Monterrey. It's always been like that for 18 years, always have to hide my friends, lock my laptop screen, and lie, lie, lie. Reason 1: The overprotective and closed-mind of my dad. Reason 2: My sister thinks and acts as if she were a bad stepmother taken directly from a soap opera. Reason 3: Non-confidence placed on me, because I don't get the chance to show I am mature enough 'cause I am the little one running in the family. Plus, in the past 5 years, Monterrey has been turned into shit, since the mafia (a.k.a. drug lords) are now "running" the city as if they were an authority just because they have cholos paid to point at people with big guns publicly in the middle of the streets wearing Ed Hardy.  Fuck drugs, fuck them, fuck Monterrey, fuck insecurity, fuck the mafia, fuck politicians involved with them as well.


But oh well, that's the city of Monterrey in Mexico, and this is the city of Manhattan in New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of, and there's nothing you can't do.










 

Tim Urban

"It's never bad as you may think.

Until you're out there and you're doing it on yourown, you don't really know how to get to where you want to be, which is, you know, a positive place, and reality kinda sets in, like this isn't a joke"

-Lee Dewyze.

Billionaire

I wanna be a billionaire

So freakin Bad

Buy all the things I never had

I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine

Smiling next to Oprah and the queen

Ohh everytime I close my eyes.

I see my name in shinning lights

A different city every night

Oh I, I swear the world better prepare

For when im a billionaire

Marry me

Lee Dewyze

Lovely

New York: June 13th.

If I was crying in the van, with my friend, it was for freedom,from myself and from the land.
I made a lot of mistakes
All things go, all things go
To recreate us
All things grow, all things grow
We had our mindset
All things know, all things know
You had to find it
All things go, all things go

I don't need you.

No te necesito, no me importa si no confías en mi y piensas que terminaré dejando la escuela para trabajar. Jamás dejaría el estudio, no estoy estúpida.

Te callaré la boca, me ganaré becas, y seré famosa

PROM: Class of 2010

Qué bonito es graduarse y el sentimiento del final de un capítulo y el comienzo de uno nuevo al mismo tiempo. Muchísimos cambios en un mes. I am ready for it.

Me la pasé genial

Lee Dewyze

Me encanta éste chavo.
Leon James DeWyze de Mount Prospect, Chicago.

Hermosos ojos azules, tímido, respetuoso, amigable, bueno, emocional, tiene una voz increíble, y tiene los pies bien pegados a la tierra. No puedo dejar de ver videos de él en Youtube. Me encanta como canta y su version de " You're Still The One" de Shania Twain me mata. El día de la final estaba viendo American Idol en vivo y se veía bastante guapo; grité demasiado cuando ganó y me puse muy feliz por él, aunque nunca lo vaya a conocer. Lo máximo que creo lograr de estar cerca de él es verlo en vivo en Nueva York( tengo que).

Siempre me hacen llorar los diaries de American Idol y cuando pasan todo el recorrido de los concursantes durante el programa.

Es mi nuevo celebrity crush
American Idol Season 9 Winner: Lee DeWyze.

Coldplay

El mejor concierto al que he asistido  hasta ahorita, ví todo backstage, vi cuando Chris Martin y la banda se subieron al escenario, y cuando se bajaron y se subieron a la camioneta. Me dió risa cuando antes de empezar el concierto pusieron una canción toda homie y Chris se subió al escenario bailando aww <3

Fué lo mejor cuando tocaron Yellow y soltaron los globos enormes amarillos, la ola en todo el estadio con las luces apagadas y los celulares prendidos, el confetti de mariposa, Chris hablando español, las luces, gente feliz cantando Viva La Vida, cuando tocaron acústico en las pasarelas y Chris Martin corría sobre ellas y así bien locooooooo, fué P E R F E C T O todo el concierto, pero mi hit fué Shiver acústica. NUNCA había llorado así en un concierto.

Me trae muchos recuerdos esa canción, recuerdos buenos y malos, para mí es una canción que me recuerda mucho mi pasado, lo que soy hoy en día, y lo que viene. In my place tampoco se quedó tan atrás.

Fluyó felicidad entera en mí durante 1 hora y media, fué de esas veces donde dices (cómo dice Joaquín)

" Dios ya me lo diste todo, ya puedo morir feliz ".

Definitivamente 11 de Marzo fué una de las fechas que no olvidaré; de las mejores fechas antes de dejar Monterrey

The Bird and The Bee covers Hall and Oates ( Tribute Album)

Greg Kurstin said, "There’s definitely no irony. They’re great songwriters and these are great songs.”

Pues, The Bird and The Bee ( Inara George and Greg Krustin ) sacarán su nuevo album:  Interpreting The Masters Volume 1: A Tribute To Daryl Hall And John Oates  este 23 de Marzo del 2010 con puuuuuuuuuros covers de Hall & Oates.
La lista de canciones es:

1. Heard It On The Radio
2. I Can’t Go For That
3. Rich Girl  
4. Sara Smile  
5. Kiss On My List  
6. Maneater  
7. She’s Gone  
8. Private Eyes
9. One on One

Ya quiero escuchar Private Eyes, es mi favorita.

He aquí un video de Hall and Oates " I can't go for that" y el cover de The Bird and the Bee.

www.myspace.com/thebirdandthebee

www.myspace.com/hallandoates

Currently reading

Dear John by Nicholas Sparks

( now a major motion picture)

Friday, February 26th, 2010

Dear Katia, Thank you for your interest in Columbia University!
The SAT are required as part of the application, and the applicant is therefore expected to take the exams before or at the time they apply for admission. Unfortunately, we will not be taking scores for tests taken later than January 2010 for the fall admission.
-Best,
Columbia University Office of Undergraduate Admissions


Thank you for answering me 16 days later, and not telling me anything when I had my phone interview on January 27th, nor in the mail sent to me on February 15th that listed all the things that I'm missing in my application.

I'm so so so fucking sad, I really wanted to start this August, unfortunately, things happen for a reason, and at least I have a plan B. 

 No matter what, I'm fully committed  to enter to Columbia University.

The Lovely Bones

Espero y esté buena, siempre me han gustado bastante las películas basadas en libros, aunque nunca terminé de leer Desde Mi Cielo, me quedé bien picada. Necesito terminar de leerlo!

Rachel I. Marie

 

Me encontré a esta chava en Lookbook y me gustó un chorro. Se llama Rachel I. Marie tiene 21 años, es fotógrafa y es de Michigan :)

Más fotos.

Ryan Berkley

Los quiero todos!!!!!!!!!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/berkleyillustration

http://iloveillustration.blogspot.com/

Las 4 estaciones del amor.

Everyone has their own history in every season of the year..

Movies like this one, make my heart happy.

Paper Heart

I loved it, + the song Magic Perfume by Charlyne Yi. This is my favorite part of the movie:

Mew's new album " No more stories. Are told today. Im sorry. They washed away. No more stories. The world is grey. Im tired. Lets wash away"

"Repeaterbeater" (long version)

"Introducing Palace Players"

Jonas Bjerre and his weird dreams. He gets the best out of them and transform them into art, I should start doing that too, since I can't stop dreaming every FUCKING night.

Write in english

I'm back from New York since Thursday. I'm sad, but at the same time I'm happy to be back and see everybody and with the idea that I'll leave forever. I don't want to be here,  it's very unsecure and I feel like I can't evolve or reach great things here.  I want to be different from the rest, I want to be someone. All the things that I experienced and felt when I was in New York can't be put into words completely. But I'll put here a little something.

11 days later after Christmas Eve,I was walking downtown and I found the same homeless people that were more- less my age. We were -12 degrees Celsius. I can't imagine how much they were freezing with their little dog, they both were sleeping, so I ask one of them if he was ok. He said yes and that he only needed 60 more dollars to get back with his brother at New Orleans and that the first thing they'll do when they get there would be take a shower and sleep. I felt really really bad, I can't imagine how they manage to not die freezing at the streets. 

I gave them 3 dollars and ask them if there's was anything that I could help with, or if I could get them a blanket, pillows, food, water.. etc.. The girl looked at me and said that if I could get them a mini pizza at Pizza Hut that would be awesome.  10 minutes later I came back with a medium size pizza with extra cheese and ham and 2 bottles of water.  Both were super happy, excited and grateful. They ask for my name and told me theirs.  Their names were Alex and Timmy.

But even though I did an act of kindness I felt something was missing, I really wanted them to get those 60 dollars and get back home to be regular teenagers that sleep at a cozy bed, eat  great food, and take showers at their own homes.

Next day I went back to the place I met them to give them the 60 dollars they needed but they were gone, they didn't appear during the whole day. Now I'll never now what happened to them.. I don't know if they move to other place to ask for money, if the police came for them, or if they actually got the 60 dollars..


I hope they're o.k., warm and happy with their families and friends.